i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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