There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
