You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
