Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Panties = found
Randomize
