she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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