Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
