Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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