I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize