my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
