i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
