I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
