i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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