I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
