P.S. I can't hear my feet
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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