fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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