She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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