you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
