So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
