Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
