How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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