he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
