South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
