"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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