Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
