so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
