I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
