Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize