I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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