I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
