we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize