I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
