Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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