if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
