She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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