I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
