now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
