i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
