I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
