I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
id be glad to
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
