I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
