remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
