I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
