I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
