Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
