things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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