I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
