So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize