I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Randomize
