you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
