Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
