A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
