Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
