Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
