I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
