Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
