Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Boobs are out for the taking
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
