I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
