My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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