She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
