Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
