I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
