Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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