no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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