Don't make out with my wife yet
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
