the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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