Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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