We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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