just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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