I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize