can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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