yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
