in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
