i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
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