Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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