What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
