do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
