Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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