that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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