So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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