nut hugger
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
