Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
