On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
wow bdsm is so cute
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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