we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
