sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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