Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
