Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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