listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
