I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
