im having a threesome with these popsicles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want nice things and good sex
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize