So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
