...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
