She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
