Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
