I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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