I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
