Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
