Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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